Another bummer of a post! Hooray!

Still trying to ride the wave of a new round of overwhelming emotions. Mostly feeling grumpy and tired and ... well, overwhelmed. In hopes of letting off some steam, I offer up the following digest of recent events:

At work I had to scan a photo of the first local boy killed in Iraq. It was front page news. They gave him a big military funeral and buried him in the new veterans memorial park, with more than 500 people in attendance. He was 22.

I'm getting into a bad habit of listening to the news again. It's filling my head with all sorts of awful information I can't do anything with, except feel terrible. Every night I'm having nightmares about bombs, floods, getting lost, struggling to walk through black mud, trying to talk and being unable to, losing my backpack with all my ID in it, flying over deep water looking for someone. Every morning I'm waking up confused, then realizing: that was a dream. I'm okay. I'm right here in my own bed. Then the memory washes over me of all the people who are having the same experience as I am, of waking up disoriented, and how bizarre it must be to have to remember every single morning that the horrible images burned into your brain are not just dreams. They are things that really happened, and are still happening.

About once a week or so lately I've seen cars parked at a turn in our creek that runs near the road, and people down in the creekbed filling five-gallon buckets with river rocks. Presumably they are too cheap to buy their own landscaping materials. They seem oblivious to the two flashing barricades they've parked their cars next to—the ones that are there to keep people from driving over the edge of the road, which is rapidly being eaten away by the creek, thanks at least in part to people like them who are physically removing the structural elements (i.e., rocks) that help keep the whole thing in place. If I were a braver person I would stop and talk to them, explain why they should not be taking the rocks, and ask them to put them back. But I'm afraid to put myself in the path of strangers who have already identified themselves, by their actions, as selfish jerks who care more about saving a few bucks than protecting a fragile creek environment. So instead I just ride on by, fuming.

Maybe I'll make a sign and post it there. "Please do not take rocks
from this creek. We are watching you and will report your license plate number to the police." Anonymous threats, etc. When did I become such a coward? This is not the first thing, either: a few days ago I actually made a dog complaint to the owner of the cafe I have lunch at every day. I had my sandwich and was just about to go out onto the patio to enjoy a little sunshine when I saw this lady out there who comes in all the time with her dog, who she allows to stroll up and down and all around, begging and bothering people. The last time I saw her, she kept putting her paws on my lap and even tried to steal the sandwich off my plate (the dog, not the lady). Then she went on to bug someone else, with her person chiding her constantly in a voice I'm sure she thought was adorable, "You're a very bad girl, Amber! Come back here this instant! I mean it!" while of course neglecting to actually control the dog in any way.

I'm probably one of the most dog tolerant people on the planet, but that was too much even for me. And it especially made me mad because just a month or so ago someone called the health department to complain about dogs at the pub where we have dinner every Tuesday night, and now no dogs are allowed there at all, even out on the patio. I imagined that the call was probably inspired by some similar incident ... some marauding dog whose person was just as negligent as this woman. I wanted to tell her, "It's because of inconsiderate idiots like you that I can't take my dog to the pub anymore. If you like bringing your dog here, keep her on a leash and at your own table before someone calls about this place too." But instead of approaching her directly, opening up a space for honest dialogue, and blah blah blah blah blah, I went back inside the cafe and told the owner (who's also kind of a friend), "There's a lady out there who's letting her dog wander around bugging people who are trying to eat. It's annoying as hell."

And another thing! My blood was rejected when I went to donate last week. Not enough iron. According to the numbers I'm still "profoundly anemic," even though I've been taking my supplements religiously for more than a month. So now I'm worried that maybe I have some grievous condition that makes it impossible for my body to absorb the proper nutrients, no matter what vitamins I take or how well I eat .... I made an appointment with my new doctor and am hoping to get it all figured out as soon as possible.

In other health news, I've been riding my bike for more than a month and a half now and still have not lost any weight. On the up side, I do
feel stronger and my leg muscles seem to be toning up a bit. Also, I saw Tommy Lee on television the other night, studying for a chemistry final. That was funny. Apparently he's in college now ... or something. I didn't watch long enough to get clear on whether he was going to college for real, or just for the tv show. I loved the star tattoos on his hands.