The first reward

Sleep deprivation does not agree with me, so I am really looking forward to next week, by which time I hope to have gotten the hang of going to bed early. Getting up early, I'm discovering, is really hard when you don't also know how to fall asleep early. Although that is becoming easier, as well, with every morning I wake up rumpled, muzzy, exhausted and confused.

This morning when the alarm went off I was dreaming that the Mac guy (from the Mac and PC commercials – yes, I am spending way too much time with computers these days) was standing behind me at my desk at work, looking over my shoulder as I worked feverishly on a tricky page layout. I was eating a sandwich (the same turkey and avocado sandwich I ate for breakfast the other day when a kind co-worker took pity on me) out of a brown paper lunch bag, only it wasn't a brown paper lunch bag, it was an empty plastic package of Cheetos (the crunchy kind, not the crispy). There was an apple in there, too, and a little baggie of baby carrots.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked the Mac guy, irritably. "Um, you're eating my sandwich," he said. And it was his sandwich. In the dream, I made a quick calculation, trying to figure out whether I was going to have time to get out for lunch or not – meaning, whether I was going to give him back his sandwich or not – and then snapped to a decision. "Sorry, man," I said. And stuffed the entire thing into my mouth.

Oh, what a week it's been. Über-overtime, to the point where I'm clocking out for lunch, going back to my desk to work, and clocking back in a half hour later, all so "the government" doesn't sock it to my bosses for working us too hard and denying us our breaks. Hmm. Yesterday I did have the sandwich to eat – that was nice. The day before I failed to plan ahead and by the end of the day (night) all I'd eaten all day was a handful of stale seaweed crackers and three candy canes that had been hanging on my office-mate's desk lamp since Thanksgiving. Right now the skull lollipop someone gave me for Día de los Muertos 2005 is starting to look really good ... but I will resist, I will resist and abstain, and as soon as I finish writing this I'll go home and make myself a nice piece of toast. I've been longing for it all day.

So: the reward. After the weird dream, I hauled myself out of bed, got my groove on, etc. etc. – and then, just as I was turning to leave my room I happened to glance out the north window into the back yard and BAM! There was the most beautiful view of gorgeous golden light slanting through the bare branches of the peach tree and falling on the flowers of a 12-foot-wide rosemary bush in full bloom. There was a little frost on the leaves still, so I got purpley-periwinkle colored flowers, dark green and silvery leaves, wet reddish bark on the bigger branches, all against a backdrop of redwood, fir and oak trees. Totally fabulous, and something you would just never get to see at any other time of day. That alone was worth getting up for. Worth eating nothing today but chocolate croissants left over from a meeting, and a slice of jalapeño pizza I know I'm going to regret by tomorrow. Worth realizing, a mere half hour ago, that the reason I've been feeling slightly uncomfortable in my seat all day is because I put my underwear on backwards this morning. Worth knowing that next week is going to be even more grueling.

This is a picture of a rosemary twig in blossom, in case you've never seen one. Imagine a small room full of this. It's really something to see. When the sun is out, the bees are all over it. On Monday they were – the day I was changing my bike tubes out on the patio. It was lovely. Then it rained for a few days. Now it's clear again, and cold. I love it.

So yeah. I'm pretty tired, but still planning to continue getting up at 6:44 a.m. every day until Easter, even and including tomorrow, even though Mr. A is actively campaigning for me to give myself a break and sleep in until 7:30. But I think I will remain strong on this one. The problem is not so much getting up early, but not getting enough sleep, and not planning well to make sure I have food available on deadline days. I will get my act together over the weekend, and begin next week ready to roll.