The diarrhea means it's working
Oh, I’m sorry. Was that too much information for you? Well, welcome to my world – the world of information overload and incessant uncontrollable visions of things I’d really rather not have to see.
Actually, that sounds much more bitter than I really feel. As of this morning I’m actually feeling pretty much back to normal – calm and generally optimistic, with a pleasantly familiar undercurrent of anxiety that now, for a change, finally has a real (not imagined or undefined) target: my diseeeezze.
I tested my blood sugar at home last night for the first time, and again this morning, and the numbers I got have convinced me to give up my hope that this might have been just a lab error or a temporary glitch in my blood-making machinery, and admit to myself that the diagnosis was correct.
I’m diabetic. There. I said it.
So I’ve tested myself twice and taken my pill twice, and if the side effect (luckily there’s only been one so far) is anything to judge by, the medication is indeed producing the usual result. Today is not so bad as yesterday though, and apparently for a lot of people this particular effect doesn’t last long anyway, so I’m hoping my body adjusts to it quickly and I can go back to my regular routine of waking up at night only to pee … And supposedly, once I get my sugar under control, that routine will also go away and I’ll once more be able to sleep all night without waking up to pee at all, which I haven’t done in probably at least five or six years.
That’s why I never thought of it as a symptom, you see. Because it’s been going on for a long time, and up until about three years ago (the last time it was tested) my blood glucose was always well within normal, healthy range.
Anyway. I’m getting used to the idea that the changes I’ve made over the last couple of weeks are going to have to be permanent, and that this is probably not such a bad thing. Losing weight, learning to eat better*, exercising a lot more – these are all good things, things I should be doing anyway.
*About the eating better part – I’ve never been big on junk food, don’t really enjoy soda, and except for a sweet tooth I usually eat pretty healthy. My eating problems are more related to portion size (trying to keep up with a man who’s a foot taller than me and over 60 lbs. heavier) and timing. Ever since I started this job my eating schedule has been completely insane – skipping meals, eating late, eating the weird food that people leave lying around the office … So my goal for today’s visit with the dietician is to come up with a schedule and several lists – what to eat for each meal, what time to eat, what to eat before or after exercise, how to correlate carbs and calories and exercise with the numbers that are showing up on my meter …
It is kind of interesting and exciting to have a big new topic to research. And I have to admit that I’m more than a little fascinated with the meter, and already feeling energized by the challenge of figuring out exactly what I need to do to start bringing those numbers down. It’s possible (probable) that there will be times when I feel anxious and depressed about my lack of progress, but I’m not going to worry about that now. Right now I’m going to try to just stay in “curious” mode and keep learning as much as I can.
I did talk to my little brother last night, and he was awesome. He said he diagnoses this almost every single day in his practice, and that the things I need to do are all things I can do, and that if I do them, there’s no reason to think I won’t live just as long and be just as healthy as anyone else. The people who tend to have complications are the ones who don’t take the diagnosis seriously, or who won’t or can’t follow the lifestyle changes. Which I can. And will.
Right now I’m feeling very hungry and a little dizzy. I’m still kind of afraid to eat anything, but after my appointment I expect to know more about what to do about that. I read somewhere that being overweight and being diabetic are related, but the causal relationship is being called into question by several recent studies – meaning, being overweight appears to trigger diabetes in people who have the gene, but it’s also possible that diabetes may contribute to people being overweight, because it makes you hungry all the time. That’s definitely been the case for me – I’m constantly hungry, even right after I’ve eaten. Essentially, being diabetic means that the glucose stays in your blood instead of going into cells where it can be used as fuel, so hunger and food cravings (especially for sweets, my greatest weakness) are the body’s way of trying to get the energy it’s lacking. Eating more raises your blood sugar even more, etc. etc. … Crazy! The good news is that supposedly, once I get my sugar under control, my appetite will go back to normal and I won’t always feel like I’m starving all the time. Something to look forward to.
Another good thing to come of this is that it’s given me an idea for something I might like to do with myself one of these days (assuming I’m ever able to quit this job and go back to school) – and that is, to become some kind of health educator. I’ve always loved teaching but don’t want to be involved in the school system, public or private – and I don’t really love kids enough to want to be around them all day. I’m also interested in counseling and psychology, but I absorb other people’s energy too easily to ever think it would be a good idea to plan on spending my entire work life around people with serious mental health problems. But teaching people about their health – that might be a good way to go. I thought of it while I was reading the pamphlets I got from the nurse on Monday. Somebody has to write that stuff, right? Somebody also needs to write my doctor a one-sheet to give people when they’re diagnosed, with phone numbers and websites and suggested reading and all that stuff – I was shocked he didn’t offer me anything like that. And somebody has to sit down with people who are freaking out at a new diagnosis (like I’ve been doing all week) and help them calm down and figure out what they need to do. I think I could be good at all those things.
So maybe being diagnosed as diabetic really isn’t the end of the world. And no, I’m not going to say, “Maybe … it’s only the beginning.” That would be corny!
Actually, that sounds much more bitter than I really feel. As of this morning I’m actually feeling pretty much back to normal – calm and generally optimistic, with a pleasantly familiar undercurrent of anxiety that now, for a change, finally has a real (not imagined or undefined) target: my diseeeezze.
I tested my blood sugar at home last night for the first time, and again this morning, and the numbers I got have convinced me to give up my hope that this might have been just a lab error or a temporary glitch in my blood-making machinery, and admit to myself that the diagnosis was correct.
I’m diabetic. There. I said it.
So I’ve tested myself twice and taken my pill twice, and if the side effect (luckily there’s only been one so far) is anything to judge by, the medication is indeed producing the usual result. Today is not so bad as yesterday though, and apparently for a lot of people this particular effect doesn’t last long anyway, so I’m hoping my body adjusts to it quickly and I can go back to my regular routine of waking up at night only to pee … And supposedly, once I get my sugar under control, that routine will also go away and I’ll once more be able to sleep all night without waking up to pee at all, which I haven’t done in probably at least five or six years.
That’s why I never thought of it as a symptom, you see. Because it’s been going on for a long time, and up until about three years ago (the last time it was tested) my blood glucose was always well within normal, healthy range.
Anyway. I’m getting used to the idea that the changes I’ve made over the last couple of weeks are going to have to be permanent, and that this is probably not such a bad thing. Losing weight, learning to eat better*, exercising a lot more – these are all good things, things I should be doing anyway.
*About the eating better part – I’ve never been big on junk food, don’t really enjoy soda, and except for a sweet tooth I usually eat pretty healthy. My eating problems are more related to portion size (trying to keep up with a man who’s a foot taller than me and over 60 lbs. heavier) and timing. Ever since I started this job my eating schedule has been completely insane – skipping meals, eating late, eating the weird food that people leave lying around the office … So my goal for today’s visit with the dietician is to come up with a schedule and several lists – what to eat for each meal, what time to eat, what to eat before or after exercise, how to correlate carbs and calories and exercise with the numbers that are showing up on my meter …
It is kind of interesting and exciting to have a big new topic to research. And I have to admit that I’m more than a little fascinated with the meter, and already feeling energized by the challenge of figuring out exactly what I need to do to start bringing those numbers down. It’s possible (probable) that there will be times when I feel anxious and depressed about my lack of progress, but I’m not going to worry about that now. Right now I’m going to try to just stay in “curious” mode and keep learning as much as I can.
I did talk to my little brother last night, and he was awesome. He said he diagnoses this almost every single day in his practice, and that the things I need to do are all things I can do, and that if I do them, there’s no reason to think I won’t live just as long and be just as healthy as anyone else. The people who tend to have complications are the ones who don’t take the diagnosis seriously, or who won’t or can’t follow the lifestyle changes. Which I can. And will.
Right now I’m feeling very hungry and a little dizzy. I’m still kind of afraid to eat anything, but after my appointment I expect to know more about what to do about that. I read somewhere that being overweight and being diabetic are related, but the causal relationship is being called into question by several recent studies – meaning, being overweight appears to trigger diabetes in people who have the gene, but it’s also possible that diabetes may contribute to people being overweight, because it makes you hungry all the time. That’s definitely been the case for me – I’m constantly hungry, even right after I’ve eaten. Essentially, being diabetic means that the glucose stays in your blood instead of going into cells where it can be used as fuel, so hunger and food cravings (especially for sweets, my greatest weakness) are the body’s way of trying to get the energy it’s lacking. Eating more raises your blood sugar even more, etc. etc. … Crazy! The good news is that supposedly, once I get my sugar under control, my appetite will go back to normal and I won’t always feel like I’m starving all the time. Something to look forward to.
Another good thing to come of this is that it’s given me an idea for something I might like to do with myself one of these days (assuming I’m ever able to quit this job and go back to school) – and that is, to become some kind of health educator. I’ve always loved teaching but don’t want to be involved in the school system, public or private – and I don’t really love kids enough to want to be around them all day. I’m also interested in counseling and psychology, but I absorb other people’s energy too easily to ever think it would be a good idea to plan on spending my entire work life around people with serious mental health problems. But teaching people about their health – that might be a good way to go. I thought of it while I was reading the pamphlets I got from the nurse on Monday. Somebody has to write that stuff, right? Somebody also needs to write my doctor a one-sheet to give people when they’re diagnosed, with phone numbers and websites and suggested reading and all that stuff – I was shocked he didn’t offer me anything like that. And somebody has to sit down with people who are freaking out at a new diagnosis (like I’ve been doing all week) and help them calm down and figure out what they need to do. I think I could be good at all those things.
So maybe being diagnosed as diabetic really isn’t the end of the world. And no, I’m not going to say, “Maybe … it’s only the beginning.” That would be corny!
2 Comments:
Great to hear you're feeling better so quickly (except for the diarrhea of course). I like your health education idea. Maybe you can take your experience and write a "diabetes...now what?" book to give people the information they need to know once diagnosed.
Tina, more people than you'll ever know are cheered by you, informed by you, intrigued by you, and love you for your courage, honesty, and inventiveness. . . I'm just one of them.
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