A couple of hours later

My rage has subsided and the feelings I like are creeping back in. I am happy for him. It's not like I want him to suffer forever for "what he did to me." How could I possibly get any satisfaction out of that? His good fortune doesn't take anything away from me. And my wishing them both well doesn't take anything away from the pain I felt over him, which still reverberates in me when something happens to remind me of it.

It reverberates, and then it passes.

I'm not trying to deny or minimize what I was feeling a few hours ago (or a few years ago), and I still want to write more about it because it brought up some interesting thoughts and interactions with other people that I want to explore. I just wanted to note that it isn't taking me nearly as long as it used to, to get through those feelings. I hope this means I'm doing something right.

Maybe this what forgiveness is. But if I've really let go of all that, why do I still feel this wave of anger every time I think of him? It subsides, but it's always there. I'm glad it's diminished over time, but what I'd really like is for it to not come up at all anymore. Is that possible? Does it just take time? Or is it something I'm going to have to keep on my list of "material for practice" for the rest of my life?