Silence of the llamas

The sneer on this guy's face tells you all you need to know about his attitude: he's hot, bothered and mad as hell, and he doesn't care who knows it!

I snapped this photo last week on my way to work, when I slowed down to go around a police barricade a couple houses down from my house – stopped to ask the cops what was going on (this being typically a pretty peaceful part of the valley) – and was informed that someone's llamas had escaped and been on a rampage all night, until our quick-thinking next door neighbor had lured them into his field and temporarily corralled them with a couple of bales of hay thrown into the gap in the fence. The police cars were there to keep the sex-starved animals contained until their person could get there with a trailer to load them up and take them home.

He was arriving just as I was getting back on the bike.

"So," I asked him, "are these the animals I hear screaming all night long over across the creek?"

"Yeah, that's them," he chuckled in response – as if it was humorous, or charming or something. Except, it isn't. It's horrible. They really do scream, these long drawn-out agonizing screams, and they really do do it all night long.

"What's the deal with that, anyway?" I asked.

"It's just something the males do when they want a lady friend," he replied, tactfully averting his eyes.

"So you mean to tell me you have a whole pack of lust-filled male llamas locked up in a field all alone with no girlfriends, and you think it's okay to just let them scream and scream all through the night out of loneliness and frustration? Don't you think that's kind of cruel?" I demanded. "And if you're going to let them scream, couldn't you at least put them in a barn or something at night, so your neighbors don't have to listen to them? They wake me up almost every single night!"

Well, actually, I didn't say that. What I really said was:

"Hmm! Wow. Well, they sure do make a lot of noise."

"Yeah, well," he chuckled again. "That's llamas for you."

But maybe he did take the hint, or maybe he got rid of them, or maybe he rounded up a few lady llamas to keep them company. Whatever he did, I haven't heard any screaming in several nights.

Now if only the speed metal monster music guys would get some girlfriends, maybe I could get a little sleep around here already!