Homesickness
Sometimes when I get homesick for my family, or just sick of things in general around here, I go online and look at real estate in Utah. Setting aside for the moment the fact that the idea of actually living there again makes me want to cry ... look at this adorable little house. I lived in one almost exactly like it for five years and even though it was old and weird and had an utterly unusable kitchen, it's still my favorite house I've ever lived in. The one in this picture is available right now, in the heart of Utah County (Provo, if you must know) for a mere $137,000. The same house here, on the same amount of land (less than a quarter acre), would be in the neighborhood of half a million dollars.
Okay. Is it just me, or does Blogger basically suck these days? It's been hassling me about comments for months, and now it won't let me upload the picture, either. Anyway, trust me. The house is adorable. If anyone remembers, it's just like the last one I lived in before I moved out here.
Sigh. Travel savings accounts and spontaneous trips to ancient ruins notwithstanding, I just don't ever seem to get enough time with my family. Lately, nothing I have going on here seems to make up for that.
Last night I decided to check my email before going to bed, and found out that someone else I knew in college – totally unrelated to my friend who died over the weekend – also died over the weekend, at the same age, in the same town, of the same disease. Breast cancer.
Heavy heart.
Don't freak out or anything but I had a little skin cancer removed myself on Monday. The doctor said it's 99% probably nothing to worry about, and when she cut into it she said it actually didn't feel so much like cancer as like this other kind of skin thing, the name of which I can't remember, and that I should absolutely not worry about anything, but that all the same she was going to send it to the lab. Results will be here in a couple weeks.
So between all the death and cancer and weirdness going on at work right now, not to mention a raging yeast infection (my first in more than ten years) no doubt brought about by stress, I didn't sleep at all last night.
Basically, I'm just riding it all out. I've been through stuff like this before. And springtime always gives me a strange, vulnerable, happy-sad kind of feeling that is not my favorite way to feel ... everything's so bright and hopeful and budding, but I always have the feeling it could all still be frozen down to nothing at any moment.
Anyway. Life's kind of strange right now. Days like this I really, really, really want my own comfortable, safe, cute little house again. A home of my own. I miss that.
Okay. Is it just me, or does Blogger basically suck these days? It's been hassling me about comments for months, and now it won't let me upload the picture, either. Anyway, trust me. The house is adorable. If anyone remembers, it's just like the last one I lived in before I moved out here.
Sigh. Travel savings accounts and spontaneous trips to ancient ruins notwithstanding, I just don't ever seem to get enough time with my family. Lately, nothing I have going on here seems to make up for that.
Last night I decided to check my email before going to bed, and found out that someone else I knew in college – totally unrelated to my friend who died over the weekend – also died over the weekend, at the same age, in the same town, of the same disease. Breast cancer.
Heavy heart.
Don't freak out or anything but I had a little skin cancer removed myself on Monday. The doctor said it's 99% probably nothing to worry about, and when she cut into it she said it actually didn't feel so much like cancer as like this other kind of skin thing, the name of which I can't remember, and that I should absolutely not worry about anything, but that all the same she was going to send it to the lab. Results will be here in a couple weeks.
So between all the death and cancer and weirdness going on at work right now, not to mention a raging yeast infection (my first in more than ten years) no doubt brought about by stress, I didn't sleep at all last night.
Basically, I'm just riding it all out. I've been through stuff like this before. And springtime always gives me a strange, vulnerable, happy-sad kind of feeling that is not my favorite way to feel ... everything's so bright and hopeful and budding, but I always have the feeling it could all still be frozen down to nothing at any moment.
Anyway. Life's kind of strange right now. Days like this I really, really, really want my own comfortable, safe, cute little house again. A home of my own. I miss that.
Labels: homesick
1 Comments:
Life's cycles always bring about death and loss and pangs...you sound so centered amidst these things...grounded. I realized reading this post that I'm still searching for that place that will feel like 'home' to me. And oddly, I think Davis might be the closest thus far to filling the bill...even though I have NO social life here. But it's not people I'm searching for...it's a sense of place where I can feel at ease and breathe...
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