The opposite of "to prefer"

One of the things I un-prefer about working weird hours and long weekends is that it inevitably disrupts my already tenuous relationship with the waking-sleeping cycle. I've been a terrible sleeper for many years, I don't even really remember how long ... once I'm asleep I do OK, but getting there is never easy. Right now, for example, I know I "should" be asleep, or at least heading in that direction. I had a wicked long day today, and have another one coming tomorrow. But my mind will just not shut up.

It's not the anxiety-based un-sleeping I get when I'm in panic attack mode. It's more just run-of-the-mill busy thoughts – thoughts about food (Mr. A forgot to buy eggs today, what will I have for breakfast?), blood sugar (it's 86 right now ... should I eat something before I go to bed? What should I eat? Cheese? Nuts? A little cracker ... how many carbs is that? 10? Maybe a quarter cup of milk?), the house (should I scrape the ceilings first, or paint first, or try to do both at the same time?), teeth (my new anti-grinding device is causing me to wake up with one tooth feeling out of place ... that can't be good ... although it's always back in place again by the end of the day ...), dogs (if I wake up one more morning with my bed full of dirt, bark, pine needles and broken walnuts, I really might just start screaming at someone), my weight (must get back on track with losing more weight – those jeans I hadn't worn in awhile felt a little tight today), jewelry (thinking of three or four different ways to finish a new bone mala I've been working on), old age, saddle soap, Jack London in his underwear (so glad I found a way to use that in the magazine!), my friend's book that I promised to promote (will she like the review, or be disappointed – but I gave her a big picture!), another friend's shop that I would also like to feature except we just did a bling story and probably won't do another for at least a half a year .....

Work, old age, my teeth, my feet, work, work, work, the garden, the house, the new wood stove (so nice to be warm but I'd forgotten about all the ashes), the pictures of my friend's gorgeous 20-something son and friends, which reminded me again (shockingly!) that I really am NOT in my 20s anymore, or even in my 30s ... wishing I'd known how beautiful we all were then, trying to fully enjoy how beautiful I am / we all are right now .... Wondering what's to come, when will my hair be white instead of red .....?

Sometimes I watch myself in the videocam on this computer and catch glimpses of other members of my family – just now I saw a little bit of one of my brother's girls in my face, which I had never noticed before.

See, none of this is very interesting. Just this stream of thoughts. And yet I can't seem to shut it off. Maybe an audiobook would do the trick. Mr. A brought home Alan Greenspan's new opus from the library ... if it didn't take forever to move the files onto the iPod I would do that right now.