Day 6
I've been on the meds for six days and so far all that's changed is that I have a constant mild headache and am so sleepy I can hardly keep my eyes open. I thought it was just my usual exhaustion until I went on the message boards this afternoon and found that almost everyone who mentioned side effects said intense drowsiness was the main one they'd experienced. Most people said it only lasts a week or two and then it lifts and they start noticing the therapeutic effect.
If I'm having side effects I guess that means the meds are starting to do something. Aside from being tired and having no interest in anything but sleeping, I'm feeling OK – about the same as usual. This time around the depression seems to be taking a more physical form than it has in the past; before, the emotional symptoms have always been the most upsetting for me. Anxiety sucks. Exhaustion sucks. Any way you look at it, this illness is no fun.
Whatever. I'm ready to start feeling better, and am glad I'm finally back on the drugs. I'm hopeful they will help.
Maybe because I've not been well, I've been missing my family a lot more than usual lately too. I haven't really told anyone about this latest round of blah blah blah; what is there to say, except that it's happening, and I'm doing my best to deal with it? I do need to keep in closer touch though. And to start planning my next visit. I'm way overdue for another shot of family time.
Other than the health stuff, things are going well. We just found out that because of the continuing state budget crisis Mr. A is back to a four-day work week, which we're both very happy about. I'm hoping they'll find a way to let people opt into keeping that schedule – it could be a great, creative way to save the state some cash and I'm sure we're not the only people who would rather have a little extra time than a little extra money.
Same as I reported last week, the house and yard are still good, yoga's good, the dogs – also good. This is what my life revolves around at present. Bea is recovered from her surgery and her belly fur is growing back. She's also teething now and will be for the next several months. Her two middle teeth on the top and bottom have grown in and they're at least three times the size of the baby teeth next to them, which gives her a funny little buck-toothed smile. I've given her a bunch of teething toys of all different textures, shapes and flavors, and so far they've been working – she hasn't chewed up anything important except the heel strap of one of my sandals, which luckily the manufacturer is going to replace for a mere eight bucks. I still don't leave her alone with full run of the place, but she's essentially house trained. Puppy school starts this weekend. She's great on walks. And we're gradually evolving some very satisfying rituals together – the after-dinner walk with the Taterman, the bedtime snack, the morning snugglefest. She's a sweet little girl and it's been a real blessing to have this time to be with her while she's still a puppy.
She does this cute thing when I'm working at the computer where she runs in through the dog door and then jumps up with her paws on the edge of my chair to announce herself – smiling up at me like she's saying, "Hey, it's me! Bea!" Her happy, enthusiastic energy is a nice counterbalance to my lethargy; between the two of us I'd say we're just about normal.
I decided not to see the ex-husband. He doesn't know how to contact me directly right now – he sent me the message through his friend's Facebook account – and I didn't want to give up my contact info to call or email him, even to say I didn't want to see him. I messaged back his friend and gave my PO box address. In my perfect world I would be infinitely flexible and forgiving, loving and gracious and grateful ... But I'm not there yet and right now I need to focus on things that make me feel well. And the thought of seeing him does not do that.
I keep having these dreams about packing up to move into a new house. There are a few different versions; they all have in common the theme of reviewing past possessions and choosing which ones to keep and which to discard, and a feeling of cautious optimism and acceptance. A feeling that I'm moving in a good direction, that everything is going to be OK.
If I'm having side effects I guess that means the meds are starting to do something. Aside from being tired and having no interest in anything but sleeping, I'm feeling OK – about the same as usual. This time around the depression seems to be taking a more physical form than it has in the past; before, the emotional symptoms have always been the most upsetting for me. Anxiety sucks. Exhaustion sucks. Any way you look at it, this illness is no fun.
Whatever. I'm ready to start feeling better, and am glad I'm finally back on the drugs. I'm hopeful they will help.
Maybe because I've not been well, I've been missing my family a lot more than usual lately too. I haven't really told anyone about this latest round of blah blah blah; what is there to say, except that it's happening, and I'm doing my best to deal with it? I do need to keep in closer touch though. And to start planning my next visit. I'm way overdue for another shot of family time.
Other than the health stuff, things are going well. We just found out that because of the continuing state budget crisis Mr. A is back to a four-day work week, which we're both very happy about. I'm hoping they'll find a way to let people opt into keeping that schedule – it could be a great, creative way to save the state some cash and I'm sure we're not the only people who would rather have a little extra time than a little extra money.
Same as I reported last week, the house and yard are still good, yoga's good, the dogs – also good. This is what my life revolves around at present. Bea is recovered from her surgery and her belly fur is growing back. She's also teething now and will be for the next several months. Her two middle teeth on the top and bottom have grown in and they're at least three times the size of the baby teeth next to them, which gives her a funny little buck-toothed smile. I've given her a bunch of teething toys of all different textures, shapes and flavors, and so far they've been working – she hasn't chewed up anything important except the heel strap of one of my sandals, which luckily the manufacturer is going to replace for a mere eight bucks. I still don't leave her alone with full run of the place, but she's essentially house trained. Puppy school starts this weekend. She's great on walks. And we're gradually evolving some very satisfying rituals together – the after-dinner walk with the Taterman, the bedtime snack, the morning snugglefest. She's a sweet little girl and it's been a real blessing to have this time to be with her while she's still a puppy.
She does this cute thing when I'm working at the computer where she runs in through the dog door and then jumps up with her paws on the edge of my chair to announce herself – smiling up at me like she's saying, "Hey, it's me! Bea!" Her happy, enthusiastic energy is a nice counterbalance to my lethargy; between the two of us I'd say we're just about normal.
I decided not to see the ex-husband. He doesn't know how to contact me directly right now – he sent me the message through his friend's Facebook account – and I didn't want to give up my contact info to call or email him, even to say I didn't want to see him. I messaged back his friend and gave my PO box address. In my perfect world I would be infinitely flexible and forgiving, loving and gracious and grateful ... But I'm not there yet and right now I need to focus on things that make me feel well. And the thought of seeing him does not do that.
I keep having these dreams about packing up to move into a new house. There are a few different versions; they all have in common the theme of reviewing past possessions and choosing which ones to keep and which to discard, and a feeling of cautious optimism and acceptance. A feeling that I'm moving in a good direction, that everything is going to be OK.
Labels: depression, dogs, dreams, health
1 Comments:
If you have the time to visit, you're welcome to stay with us for as long as you want. I know it's a long drive, but it you want to brave it, bring the pups, too! And Mr. A, bring him! Remember how beautiful Utah can be in the early autumn! Soemthing to think about.
love you-
k
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