Send happy healing thoughts

So much darkness to talk about lately. The woman who sits next to me at work has been out all week for "personal reasons," and we just found out that it's because one of her old boyfriends dropped by her house to beat the hell out of her last weekend. Our boss told us what had happened, because she's coming back to work on Monday and doesn't want to have to answer any questions about why her face is all busted up. Nobody's seen her yet so we don't know how bad it's going to look, but I'm assuming the part you can see is probably the least of what you'd be dealing with after going through something like that. This office is almost all women, and all afternoon we've been talking about and around the topic of violence against women. Everyone has a story; it's shocking to realize how commonplace it still is.

I've never been beaten in my life. I did experience a couple of memorable spankings as a kid, but there was never any question of anyone trying to actually hurt me—I always felt like it was just something they did when they didn't know how else to get my attention. The last time I was spanked I was somewhere around 10 or 11, probably. I don't remember my infraction, but I do remember fighting my dad over it—writhing and kicking so much that he couldn't hold me—and realizing that my resistance was making him really angry. And then there was this moment when we both realized how angry he was, and at that moment he just instantly stopped trying to get me to submit, and left the room. I think it kind of startled us both. He wrote me a letter about it when I was in college, apologizing.

What's the best way to support someone who's been a victim of violent crime? She's a very private person and we're not close, not even what I would really call "friends." We just work together. But I want to do something. Maybe I'll put together a little gift pack of self-care things—something for a soothing bath, healing tea, arnical gel ... Or maybe she'd rather not have the extra attention. I know the boss is planning a little something. Maybe I should just sign the card along with everyone else and leave it at that, at least for now.

Several of the women in my office were talking about the punishments they'd like to inflict upon the man who did it. I struggled mightily to keep my mouth shut, and mostly succeeded. Sometimes people need to be allowed to spend some time with their anger. I get angry, too.

About this I feel angry too, of course, and also just sad and bewildered. I don't think it really helps to return violence for violence, but what are we supposed to do about people who've done terrible things? This man, I gather, had just gotten out of jail a very short time ago. Now he'll most likely go back in. Then one day he'll get out again. And then what?