Sloth and torpor

If only my own sloth were as cute as this one! But no. My sloth is of the existential variety, not the furry adorable kind. It's doing its job all the same, though, I suppose. My personal energy crisis reached the point today where I finally clued in that it's not just about holiday blues, giving myself a day off, seasonal affective disorder or late-night reading under the Christmas lights ... It's a sign of resistance, which means there's something I need to look at, and probably something I need to change. Not that this is news to me. I'm just glad I'm finally learning to recognize the signs before my denial and passivity push me down into another big depression.

Anyway! "Sloth and torpor" is my specialty amongst the Five Hindrances*, and it's also the title of a very useful podcast I happened across in my downloads folder today. The speaker is Ines Freedman, and she has a lot of great ideas for identifying and overcoming sloth and torpor in meditation practice, and in everyday life as well.

Hallelujah and just in time, is all I have to say.

Abruptly changing the topic, I wanted to report that while walking back to work after lunch today I saw a large black bird (crow, probably) looking back over its shoulder while flying. Its head was turned almost all the way around – a startling image!

I also saw a blue-eyed little boy with a big blue pacifier in his mouth staring out the window of a parked minivan while his mother talked to a friend on the street. It was weird to see someone sucking on a thing like that. I was never a thumb sucker or an object fetishizer – no security blanket, no special toy I couldn't sleep without, nothing like that. I had a roommate in college who used to suck her thumb in her sleep, and I've tried it myself thinking possibly it would provide some relief from stress or anxiety ... but I never could get the hang of it.

I do twirl my hair, though. There's this one big curl right at the base of my neck that fits right around my thumb.

I am now officially in the category of NaBloPoMo participants with exactly Nothing To Say. Thank dog there's only one more day.

* The Five Hindrances are as follows:

1. Sensual desire (kamacchanda): Craving for pleasure to the senses.
2. Anger or ill-will (vyapada): Feelings of malice directed toward others.
3. Sloth, torpor and boredom (thina-middha): Half-hearted action with little or no concentration.
4. Restlessness and worry (uddhacca-kukkacca): The inability to calm the mind.
5. Doubt (vicikiccha): Lack of conviction or trust.

Come to think of it, I guess I've specialized in all five over the years. Bully for me!