Persimmon pancakes for all!
That's my new motto, and I'm sticking to it. Because persimmon pancakes ... ooh, they are so good. And can I eat them? No. But maybe you can. And I hope you will! Because they're delicious. And you deserve to have some serious deliciousness in your life, now that it is fall. Any time, really.
I also re-opened my archives, for your back-story reading pleasure. Enjoy!
So – I'm sure it's boring as hell to everyone but me by now, but this whole business of re-figuring out how to eat and exercise has really been holding a lot of my attention lately. Basically, my attitude has begun to suck, and I've come dangerously close on more than one occasion to just throwing in the towel and saying, "Goldurn that old glucometer anyway, I'm eating some brownies." Actually, on Saturday I did say that – and followed through by going ahead and eating the brownies. Five of them, in fact – though they were not full-sized ones but the kind where each brownie is just one bite (otherwise known as "brownie bites").
I should never have bought them in the first place, but they were homemade, and so pretty, and there were only five in the package, which was sitting on the world's purest, most innocent paper lace doily next to the cash register at the upscale Marin market where I had just purchased an otherwise irreproachable repast of broiled shrimp on a crouton-free caesar salad, a few slices of very expensive smoked salmon, and a diet Coke. Plus, they were so small. Bite-sized! I'll just eat one, I told myself, and save the rest for Mr. A.
Yeah, right. All the way home I kept sneaking glances at the clear plastic container – well, actually, not at the container, but at the four remaining brownie bites inside. And then suddenly there were only three. And then two. And then I went insane in the brain and could not refrain – I ate the last one (right after I ate the second to last one).
So let this be a lesson to me. I have very little willpower when it comes to these things. Which is not to say I should never eat brownie bites ever again, but that IF I'm going to be around them, I should have a plan, and someone upon whom to foist the four that remain after I eat One Only.
In this case I found myself alone with the brownies, and caved in to desire. But I did have a plan: to eat the brownies, and then run on the treadmill for as long as it took to bring my blood back to normal. It would also be interesting, I thought, to see just how long it would take to do that. If it wasn't that big a deal, maybe I would be able to eat more brownies again sometime in the future.
But no. It took 2.5 hours on the treadmill, in half-hour increments interspersed with half-hour breaks. Every time I got off the treadmill, it had gone back down under 100 (that's good). But after another half-hour of digestion, it had shot back up over 140 again (that's not so good). So altogether it took me 4.5 hours to offset the effects of eating five brownie bites – basically, one hour per bite.
They were good, but they weren't THAT good.
Anyway. Enough of my food obsession! That's really the part that was pissing me off this week, now that I think about it – not "being diabetic," exactly, but just letting it sink in that I will NEVER be able to just relax and have an easy attitude about food, ever again, for the rest of my life. I feel like I'm already obsessive/compulsive enough as it is, without having this new thing to think about all the time – which, unlike a lot of the other things I aimlessly obsess about (like today, when I spent my 10-minute break arranging other people's frozen boxed dinners by color, and then alphabetically, and then by color AND size of box in the freezer at work), will actually have serious negative consequences if I stop paying attention to it.
So: I've decided to treat this as an opportunity to let myself off the hook in some other area where it really doesn't matter whether I obsess or not. Just to lighten up in general. And also, to lighten up about this obsession in particular – try not to focus so much on the drama (amputation! blindness! dialysis!) and just incorporate it into my life along with everything else I do to take care of my body, like flossing.
Probably at some point soon I will start feeling more positive about things again. I am looking forward to that.
I also re-opened my archives, for your back-story reading pleasure. Enjoy!
So – I'm sure it's boring as hell to everyone but me by now, but this whole business of re-figuring out how to eat and exercise has really been holding a lot of my attention lately. Basically, my attitude has begun to suck, and I've come dangerously close on more than one occasion to just throwing in the towel and saying, "Goldurn that old glucometer anyway, I'm eating some brownies." Actually, on Saturday I did say that – and followed through by going ahead and eating the brownies. Five of them, in fact – though they were not full-sized ones but the kind where each brownie is just one bite (otherwise known as "brownie bites").
I should never have bought them in the first place, but they were homemade, and so pretty, and there were only five in the package, which was sitting on the world's purest, most innocent paper lace doily next to the cash register at the upscale Marin market where I had just purchased an otherwise irreproachable repast of broiled shrimp on a crouton-free caesar salad, a few slices of very expensive smoked salmon, and a diet Coke. Plus, they were so small. Bite-sized! I'll just eat one, I told myself, and save the rest for Mr. A.
Yeah, right. All the way home I kept sneaking glances at the clear plastic container – well, actually, not at the container, but at the four remaining brownie bites inside. And then suddenly there were only three. And then two. And then I went insane in the brain and could not refrain – I ate the last one (right after I ate the second to last one).
So let this be a lesson to me. I have very little willpower when it comes to these things. Which is not to say I should never eat brownie bites ever again, but that IF I'm going to be around them, I should have a plan, and someone upon whom to foist the four that remain after I eat One Only.
In this case I found myself alone with the brownies, and caved in to desire. But I did have a plan: to eat the brownies, and then run on the treadmill for as long as it took to bring my blood back to normal. It would also be interesting, I thought, to see just how long it would take to do that. If it wasn't that big a deal, maybe I would be able to eat more brownies again sometime in the future.
But no. It took 2.5 hours on the treadmill, in half-hour increments interspersed with half-hour breaks. Every time I got off the treadmill, it had gone back down under 100 (that's good). But after another half-hour of digestion, it had shot back up over 140 again (that's not so good). So altogether it took me 4.5 hours to offset the effects of eating five brownie bites – basically, one hour per bite.
They were good, but they weren't THAT good.
Anyway. Enough of my food obsession! That's really the part that was pissing me off this week, now that I think about it – not "being diabetic," exactly, but just letting it sink in that I will NEVER be able to just relax and have an easy attitude about food, ever again, for the rest of my life. I feel like I'm already obsessive/compulsive enough as it is, without having this new thing to think about all the time – which, unlike a lot of the other things I aimlessly obsess about (like today, when I spent my 10-minute break arranging other people's frozen boxed dinners by color, and then alphabetically, and then by color AND size of box in the freezer at work), will actually have serious negative consequences if I stop paying attention to it.
So: I've decided to treat this as an opportunity to let myself off the hook in some other area where it really doesn't matter whether I obsess or not. Just to lighten up in general. And also, to lighten up about this obsession in particular – try not to focus so much on the drama (amputation! blindness! dialysis!) and just incorporate it into my life along with everything else I do to take care of my body, like flossing.
Probably at some point soon I will start feeling more positive about things again. I am looking forward to that.
Labels: diabetes
1 Comments:
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