Sunset
If I could post a photo without having to worry about some Internet stalker using it to ascertain my exact whereabouts and come cut my throat in the night, I would love to show you what I'm looking at right out my window right this very minute. It's one of the unexpected benefits of taking down that big old tree that died last year – now I can see incredible sunsets from my back porch.
This one is purple and blue and pink, and now that I'm looking again it's getting some orange and gold around the edges – an especially nice one. So often here, especially in warmer weather, the fog rolls in around 4 or 5 and stays until mid-morning the next day, so our sunsets and sunrises are often nothing much to see. This makes it even nicer when once every great once-in-awhile we get one that bears remembering.
I can see the mountain, too, which I always forget is so close. Although compared to the mountains I lived under in Utah this is barely a hiccup, it's still a mountain – it's THE mountain, in fact – the mountain this whole area is named after. For those who are familiar with it, I'll say it sort of reminds me of Moscow Mountain, the mountain I grew up next to. Not to mention a certain other mountain I love, that starts with "W" and that I will not annoy my two loyal readers by mentioning again so soon.
In the time it's taken me to write this the sky has gone all bruisy blue and purple and gray. The green of the field looks almost too green next to all that darkness – like it might be fake turf instead of real grass.
So. Mr. A is traveling for work for awhile so I've got the house and dogs to myself tonight. I'm eating a nice piece of broiled fish, with the first asparagus of the season, with a Meyer lemon from my little tree squeezed over it. Listening to Iris Dement singing old gospel songs, which Mr. A gets tired of a lot faster than I do (though I have to say he's the most tolerant and good-natured man I've ever known in that regard), and grilling chicken for my lunch tomorrow.
It's nice that I'm having such a pleasant evening because this day got off to kind of a crappy start. There's a person at my office who gets snippy and mean when under stress, and there's been a lot of stress there lately, and that's all I'm going to say about that except to say that I'm really, really trying to use this situation for practice instead of just getting pissed off every time I end up on the receiving end of this person's unkind and unnecessarily caustic remarks.
What I keep coming back to, after my emotions settle back down, is the thought that it must really suck to be that person. A happy person would not act that way. Personally, I would be ashamed of myself if I talked to anyone the way the person talks to me and others – in fact, I never do speak to people that way, ever. This is not to say I never want to – and I have been known to say inflammatory things to discreet and sympathetic friends when I really can't stand it anymore, just in the interest of blowing off steam, but I would never disrespect anyone directly to their face.
So I've been trying to think what would be the most useful way for me to act in this situation, since it's not really an option to speak to the person about it, or just avoid them either, and I don't want to quit my job right now. Everything I can think of to do seems classically co-dependent – basically, instead of taking care of my own needs – because I can't, because I'm not the one with the power here* – I'm looking for ways to reduce their stress and support them in getting their needs met, in hopes they will then be able to relax more and meet some of my needs.
It's funny though – I hear myself making the same excuses for this situation that an abused person makes for their relationship. It's not bad all the time. It's just when the person is stressed. It's also possible I'm at least partly responsible as well – maybe if I were better, it wouldn't keep happening, etc. Kind of messed up! Good to take note, though. And it's not like I'm trying to trick myself into believing it's okay. I know it isn't. But I'm still getting something I need out of the situation, at least for now.
*I know I do have power – if nothing else, I always have the power to leave! I guess it just hasn't gotten that bad yet.
Ay ai ai. How do you spell that? I feel like I'm straying into dangerous territory ... writing about work, and not in a good way. I think I will nip this in the bud and go watch my movie.
This one is purple and blue and pink, and now that I'm looking again it's getting some orange and gold around the edges – an especially nice one. So often here, especially in warmer weather, the fog rolls in around 4 or 5 and stays until mid-morning the next day, so our sunsets and sunrises are often nothing much to see. This makes it even nicer when once every great once-in-awhile we get one that bears remembering.
I can see the mountain, too, which I always forget is so close. Although compared to the mountains I lived under in Utah this is barely a hiccup, it's still a mountain – it's THE mountain, in fact – the mountain this whole area is named after. For those who are familiar with it, I'll say it sort of reminds me of Moscow Mountain, the mountain I grew up next to. Not to mention a certain other mountain I love, that starts with "W" and that I will not annoy my two loyal readers by mentioning again so soon.
In the time it's taken me to write this the sky has gone all bruisy blue and purple and gray. The green of the field looks almost too green next to all that darkness – like it might be fake turf instead of real grass.
So. Mr. A is traveling for work for awhile so I've got the house and dogs to myself tonight. I'm eating a nice piece of broiled fish, with the first asparagus of the season, with a Meyer lemon from my little tree squeezed over it. Listening to Iris Dement singing old gospel songs, which Mr. A gets tired of a lot faster than I do (though I have to say he's the most tolerant and good-natured man I've ever known in that regard), and grilling chicken for my lunch tomorrow.
It's nice that I'm having such a pleasant evening because this day got off to kind of a crappy start. There's a person at my office who gets snippy and mean when under stress, and there's been a lot of stress there lately, and that's all I'm going to say about that except to say that I'm really, really trying to use this situation for practice instead of just getting pissed off every time I end up on the receiving end of this person's unkind and unnecessarily caustic remarks.
What I keep coming back to, after my emotions settle back down, is the thought that it must really suck to be that person. A happy person would not act that way. Personally, I would be ashamed of myself if I talked to anyone the way the person talks to me and others – in fact, I never do speak to people that way, ever. This is not to say I never want to – and I have been known to say inflammatory things to discreet and sympathetic friends when I really can't stand it anymore, just in the interest of blowing off steam, but I would never disrespect anyone directly to their face.
So I've been trying to think what would be the most useful way for me to act in this situation, since it's not really an option to speak to the person about it, or just avoid them either, and I don't want to quit my job right now. Everything I can think of to do seems classically co-dependent – basically, instead of taking care of my own needs – because I can't, because I'm not the one with the power here* – I'm looking for ways to reduce their stress and support them in getting their needs met, in hopes they will then be able to relax more and meet some of my needs.
It's funny though – I hear myself making the same excuses for this situation that an abused person makes for their relationship. It's not bad all the time. It's just when the person is stressed. It's also possible I'm at least partly responsible as well – maybe if I were better, it wouldn't keep happening, etc. Kind of messed up! Good to take note, though. And it's not like I'm trying to trick myself into believing it's okay. I know it isn't. But I'm still getting something I need out of the situation, at least for now.
*I know I do have power – if nothing else, I always have the power to leave! I guess it just hasn't gotten that bad yet.
Ay ai ai. How do you spell that? I feel like I'm straying into dangerous territory ... writing about work, and not in a good way. I think I will nip this in the bud and go watch my movie.
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