Forgiveness is a form of generosity
I just heard someone say that on a podcast I'm listening to, and am writing it down because I want to remember to share that thought with someone I know who suffers a lot from a lack of ability to forgive. This person has a saying, "There IS no forgiveness," reflecting a deep belief that ... well, I'm not sure I really understand what is meant by that sentence. It's not how I see the world.
The person who says it is also in many ways one of the most generous and kind people I know, and it just occurred to me that this could be why this one particular belief causes so much pain – because it's so starkly in conflict with the person's real heart of hearts.
Another friend always reminds me that when you want to make a change, nothing will happen if you postpone acting differently until you "feel like it." You act first, and over time, your feelings change. I've found this to be true, for myself.
It's easy to see how this would work if you're trying to change a physical habit, like quitting smoking. You just have to stop doing it, whether you feel like it or not. Eventually you won't feel like smoking anymore (at least, not like at first). But how do you change a habit that happens only in the mind? Like the habit of believing there is no forgiveness?
What actions can a person take, to give some kind of physical reality to a belief (or desire to believe) in forgiveness?
The person who says it is also in many ways one of the most generous and kind people I know, and it just occurred to me that this could be why this one particular belief causes so much pain – because it's so starkly in conflict with the person's real heart of hearts.
Another friend always reminds me that when you want to make a change, nothing will happen if you postpone acting differently until you "feel like it." You act first, and over time, your feelings change. I've found this to be true, for myself.
It's easy to see how this would work if you're trying to change a physical habit, like quitting smoking. You just have to stop doing it, whether you feel like it or not. Eventually you won't feel like smoking anymore (at least, not like at first). But how do you change a habit that happens only in the mind? Like the habit of believing there is no forgiveness?
What actions can a person take, to give some kind of physical reality to a belief (or desire to believe) in forgiveness?
1 Comments:
i read a phrase recently that really struck me and might help your friend:
not forgiving someone is like taking poison yourself and expecting it to hurt that other person
i don't have the quote exactly, but it was a real revelation for me to think of it in that way.
athena
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