Job conflict
Just a quick followup to take note that since the last time I posted I've started my one-day-a-week part-time job and been called to interview for two more jobs. One of which I might actually kind of like to take.
Might. Kind of.
Except that a huge part of me – huge! – has been SO enjoying being at home and taking care of the house, Mr. A., dogs, errands, chores, cooking, cleaning, etc. etc. etc. .... I don't know why I should feel so embarrassed to love it so much, but I do. I would love to go on like this forever. Does that make me a slacker? A parasite? A bad feminist? Why don't I value the work I've been doing in my family and community for the last year, as much as the work I've done for money? Actually, I do value it as much. More, even, now that I'm starting to really settle into it and understand what a difference it makes in my life, and the lives of everyone around me. I just don't think very many other people do.
And money is important too – being able to take care of myself. Plus, I do like working. I just don't like working 40+ hours a week, away from home. Ideally I'd work maybe 20 hours, 30 tops. The 40-hour work week just feels like too much for me, these days. So I feel excited, and also conflicted.
Writing it all down, as usual, in an attempt to disperse some of the emotions I'm wrestling with, so I can get some sleep.
Might. Kind of.
Except that a huge part of me – huge! – has been SO enjoying being at home and taking care of the house, Mr. A., dogs, errands, chores, cooking, cleaning, etc. etc. etc. .... I don't know why I should feel so embarrassed to love it so much, but I do. I would love to go on like this forever. Does that make me a slacker? A parasite? A bad feminist? Why don't I value the work I've been doing in my family and community for the last year, as much as the work I've done for money? Actually, I do value it as much. More, even, now that I'm starting to really settle into it and understand what a difference it makes in my life, and the lives of everyone around me. I just don't think very many other people do.
And money is important too – being able to take care of myself. Plus, I do like working. I just don't like working 40+ hours a week, away from home. Ideally I'd work maybe 20 hours, 30 tops. The 40-hour work week just feels like too much for me, these days. So I feel excited, and also conflicted.
Writing it all down, as usual, in an attempt to disperse some of the emotions I'm wrestling with, so I can get some sleep.
2 Comments:
i so relate to this post and greatly enjoyed reading the previous one. i've been out of work for about 13 months (shocks me to write that!) and as much as it sucks in some ways, it's been so lovely to rise in the morning and know that i'm mistress of my own time. little things have come to be so enjoyable...like just having lunch at home with J while we watch a few minutes of a random movie on TV...or riding my bike to the co-op in the middle of the afternoon...or getting excited at stumbling onto really good books at the library. reading your previous post, i suddenly remembered that when we lived in the USVI i bought a set of Berlitz Spanish tapes. i think listening to 24-hour salsa stations out of Puerto Rico gave me the urge. i should pull them out and start listening now that i have the time. ;)
You are right to think very carefully. It is nice to have the "security" of a 40-hour a week job, but my quality of life and the time I have to myself have taken a major hit. I think working 20 to 30 hours a week (preferably with some or all of it from home) would be the best of all possible worlds--enough money for frugal folks, the interaction and purpose of having a "job," but still enough nonwork time to not feel like a total time miser. I used to do political and environmental volunteering and see my friends more and write and read blogs. Now that time is gone or spent doing nonnegoitiable things like laundry and cleaning the house.
Post a Comment
<< Home