Approving of myself

This is my new motto for now: Feel great, act great, and approve of myself. I wish I could remember where I found this photo – I didn't take it myself but I appreciate the sentiment.

Things are happening in Mr. A's family that I really have no frame of reference for, and a huge part of me is itching to step in and fix it. I always have a strong opinion about the "right" way to do things – and in this situation it would be a huge relief to me and at least a couple of other people to see some big changes in the way things are happening.

But this is not the Tina Show, and certainly not the Tina To The Rescue Show.

Approving of myself in this situation is not easy. I feel very strongly that something "should" be done, and since I don't see it happening, and I do feel capable of doing what needs to be done myself, I'm feeling pretty guilty about letting things play out as they are. I have to keep reminding myself that this logic is flawed: Just because I'm capable of doing something, doesn't mean it's appropriate for me to do it. This situation does not belong to me. Right now I think my most appropriate and useful role is to support Mr. A as best I can, and make myself available for whatever I am asked to do – not to grab the wheel and start trying to steer the boat.

I've been reading lately about shame and perfectionism as a barrier to connection and feelings of belonging. This woman has done some interesting work on the topic and I'm excited to keep learning; her definition of shame is a good description of what I'm working to overcome in my own thinking – she describes it as "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging." In my case it's not so much that I feel unworthy, but that I think other people will think I am. Whatever – it's really at the root of all my anxiety and social isolation, and I know I'm far from alone in that.

Seeing the results of a long lifetime of that kind of thinking is pretty motivating, I have to say. Truly heartbreaking. I'm excited to be moving along a different path again now. It's been a long winter.