Freaking out on statistics

Just taking a quick break to say this statistics course is kind of making my brain hurt. I got through the first four chapters without much trouble, but now suddenly the accumulation of all these formulas is starting to bunch up against my skull in a very distracting way. It's a strange feeling to have all this information just swirling around like debris in a flash flood, scrubbing and irritating the inside of my brain without ever really sinking in, quite. Or at least, it's only sinking in just very, very slowly.

Part of the problem is that I'm trying to teach it to myself, out of a book, without an actual teacher or TA to ask for help. Mr. A knows all this stuff, and is a good teacher, but he's out of town for a few weeks so right now I'm on my own with it. My solution for today is to slow myself way down, take breaks when my mind starts to twist and push away from the material, and repeat, repeat, repeat .... It's pretty uncomfortable. One way or another, though, I just have to get through it. I have to pass with at least a C to get into grad school, and it's too expensive to take twice.

On the up side, I'm getting a lot of work done around the house. I'm finding there's almost nothing I'd Not rather do than my statistics homework – dusting, sweeping, pulling all the dry leaves off the house plants, scrubbing the bathroom floor, pulling weeds, pruning roses, transplanting raspberries ..... Not to mention taking a walk, running on the treadmill, plucking stray hairs, giving the dog a bath, sewing on missing buttons, doodling in the margins, googling Wonder Woman and Sandy Duncan's glass eye, watching the bionic woman battle Sasquatch ....

I did spend a few days with my parents last week, but had to cancel the Portland leg of the trip. It would've overlapped with Mr. A's current business trip, so that we wouldn't have seen each other for a little more than three weeks ... which normally would have been fine, except that we found out a few days before I was scheduled to leave that his mother is seriously ill (even worse than we had thought), and I didn't want to just suddenly disappear for almost a month right after he got the news. So I'll do the Portland trip another time – hopefully soon. Maybe early summer, after I finish this class.

Which I really need to get back to now, now that my brain has had a chance to disengage from the struggle and relax a bit. My goal for the day is to get through my current chapter, answer all the questions and solve the sample problems, and set it aside early enough to take the evening off. Then, tomorrow morning, review again and see how much has stuck. After that, I have a bike ride scheduled with a long lost / newly reconnected friend, which should be another nice break.

Also: You should see all the lizards that are out and about now that it's getting warm again. Just glancing out the window I've counted eight of them in the time it's taken me to pound out this post, including a cute little fence lizard doing pushups on top of a weathered wooden sign sticking up out of the lily bed. The sun must feel so good on its beautiful blue skin, after spending all winter hibernating in the cool dark underground.