Epiphany of sorts
That bit I wrote this morning about Jesus – it's been on my mind all day. As a kid I learned that I was supposed to love everyone and treat them kindly, because we're all brothers and sisters. Note the verbiage: LOVE them, not necessarily LIKE them. From that I extrapolated the idea that as long as I treated people properly and loved them in general, my specific feelings of like or dislike were a matter of personal preference and nobody's business but my own.
Probably I wasn't too far off with that; I have serious doubts as to whether it's possible to genuinely like EVERYone. But hmm. And hmm again! Wouldn't life be just so much easier if I really did?
I'll admit it. There are plenty of people in my life who rub me the wrong way, especially about halfway through the month. What I've been noticing though is that avoiding is just in general not a good practice for me to engage in a lot – it makes me even more shy and weird and anxious. But if I eschew avoidance as a way to deal with my dislike of certain people, my next tendency is to clam up and sort of stew inside my head ... also not good.
For all my life up until now I've been operating under the idea that to go out of my way to make friends with people I don't like would make me a liar and a terrible, inauthentic person. I'm not talking about terrorists and puppy-killers, but more just the sort of garden-variety fatuous self-important assholes you have to deal with at work, for example. When I'm stuck having to interact with those folks I focus on being cordial, professional and pleasant – or just on keeping quiet.
It works okay. But what if it could be better? What if I really could learn to feel genuine loving-kindness toward those people, like the Dalai Llama does? It seems like it would be a very good thing if I could.
So today I'm starting a new program of trying to learn how to actually like people more. Step one: Engage more. Pay attention to my urge to flee or take cover, and do something different.
I know this is not the first time I've had this revelation ... but it bears repeating. This could turn out to be the central lesson of my entire life: Simply learning how to stay and engage, when everything in me wants to run and hide. And in fact, now that I think of it, I guess that's a central lesson in most people's lives, in one way or another.
Maybe liking people is more of a skill than a natural talent. Something to be cultivated, nurtured, developed.
The resistance I feel to this idea tells me I'm on the right track.
Probably I wasn't too far off with that; I have serious doubts as to whether it's possible to genuinely like EVERYone. But hmm. And hmm again! Wouldn't life be just so much easier if I really did?
I'll admit it. There are plenty of people in my life who rub me the wrong way, especially about halfway through the month. What I've been noticing though is that avoiding is just in general not a good practice for me to engage in a lot – it makes me even more shy and weird and anxious. But if I eschew avoidance as a way to deal with my dislike of certain people, my next tendency is to clam up and sort of stew inside my head ... also not good.
For all my life up until now I've been operating under the idea that to go out of my way to make friends with people I don't like would make me a liar and a terrible, inauthentic person. I'm not talking about terrorists and puppy-killers, but more just the sort of garden-variety fatuous self-important assholes you have to deal with at work, for example. When I'm stuck having to interact with those folks I focus on being cordial, professional and pleasant – or just on keeping quiet.
It works okay. But what if it could be better? What if I really could learn to feel genuine loving-kindness toward those people, like the Dalai Llama does? It seems like it would be a very good thing if I could.
So today I'm starting a new program of trying to learn how to actually like people more. Step one: Engage more. Pay attention to my urge to flee or take cover, and do something different.
I know this is not the first time I've had this revelation ... but it bears repeating. This could turn out to be the central lesson of my entire life: Simply learning how to stay and engage, when everything in me wants to run and hide. And in fact, now that I think of it, I guess that's a central lesson in most people's lives, in one way or another.
Maybe liking people is more of a skill than a natural talent. Something to be cultivated, nurtured, developed.
The resistance I feel to this idea tells me I'm on the right track.
1 Comments:
Or maybe it's just that you have "instincts like an animal." Don't fatuous self-important assholes have lots of negative baggage that could end up weighing YOU down as well? No wonder you run.
Not that I won't be interested in the results of your new program!
--g
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