Boots, and another thing

By special request, I present to you: the boots.

Another thought that's been floating around in my head is this recent awareness of all the Things I keep thinking about buying, now that I have some cash flow going again. The funny thing is, I'm really not all that into "stuff" and kind of hate shopping ... I realized awhile ago that I enjoy thinking about stuff a lot more than I enjoy actually owning it (not to mention taking care of it, washing it, dusting it, storing it, maintaining it, etc. etc.). So maybe that's all I'm really doing ... just enjoying thinking about it. But it occurred to me that in the absence of time to actually DO things, or just sit and BE, the idea of HAVING something new has suddenly become a lot more present in my mind.

I don't think it's a very good trade though – time for money (= stuff). In my ideal dream fantasy world I would be working only enough to make the money for things I really need, which is not much, and I would have a lot more free time to enjoy just living. For example, sitting on a rock by the creek watching the last few willow leaves blow off the tree, which I did for a couple of hours over the weekend. Twenty hours a week working in an office with other people would be awesome – because I do actually enjoy my work a lot, and I need that human contact. Just not 40-50 hours a week of it.

Anyway.

One more thing: I didn't mean to give the impression that I have no more anxiety at all these days. But there was that one glorious day! And I'm making a point of monitoring myself more regularly and noticing that it really has diminished a lot. The very fact that I have to make a point of looking to see if it's still there shows how little there really is – so often in the past it's been so intense it's been completely impossible to ignore, even when I've tried my hardest. So that's pretty gratifying.

And now – off to fill up another Kong toy with pup treats, apples and cream cheese. If I pack them just right they keep her busy long enough for me to get a good run in on the treadmill.